Dangerous Reads

I'm almost done reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and it is simply fascinating.  If you are unfamiliar with the story, here is a short synopsis:

Some kid from an affluent family had wanderlust and decides he is going to forgo all the luxuries in life, such as money, a car, stored food and showering, to become one with nature only to meet his demise in the Alaskan wilderness.  The author knits in other stories about different young men who have embarked on the same type of excursion with the same morbid end.

Basically, the book is showing how all of the individuals mentioned had noble motives for retreating from American society but how the obsession with solitude and living off the land drove them to reckless behavior or suicide.  They probably went insane because of the lack of company and lack of vital nutrients for their their brains.  One would think this is the kind of story that would discourage anyone from wanting to do anything nature involved and decide to stay within the concrete jungle or the safety of suburbia.  It doesn't.

The inherent flaw in each of the characters in the book is that they were all stupid about how they did everything.  Kind of like how Ross and I almost killed ourselves hiking to Leigh Lake.  We grossly misjudged how long the hike was going to be, how out of shape we were and how high the temperature would rise.  That being said, it was a moderate climb until we reached what seemed like the end of the trail, a broken rock face, and then the rest of the trail farther ahead.  Ross and I climbed the rock face, like idiots and made it across safely, albeit a little shaken.  Once coming back, we noticed that the trail actually turned  to an easier path, avoiding the dangerous climb.  Well, upon inspection, we noticed that had one of us slipped, we would have surely died since the fall seemed to have no end.  Then Ross almost got killed by a mountain goat.  But I digress.

This being said, as long as we avoid stupid things like this, we'll be all set.  We can take on the Cabinet Mountains Wilderness with ease.  I have been jogging two miles and walking three miles every day to get my stamina up.  By the end of the summer I hope to be jogging the full five miles without a problem.  I will conquer those mountains!  I'll try not to stay there forever and be all crazy and stinky with a long, scruffy beard.  Because, you know, all wildlife still freaks me out, and stuff.

Research

We recently made a trip down to the homeland in NYC, ostensibly to visit the in-laws. However, in reality, it was a research trip to study the type of fauna that we may encounter in the Montana bush. While at the American Museum of Natural History I find Ria reconsidering the whole hiking thing. I have no idea what possessed me to say, “You know, they shrink when they've been stuffed.”

Ria doesn’t think I should mention the car in these posts. I feel I may be bringing its wrath if I do not so I will at least show you this picture of the “scuby.” Notice the dreary Vermont weather in the background. This in fact was the best day this week. Hunnnnnngh... Oh well, I guess it dosnt matter that I work underground.

So of late we have been trying to convince Miles that the 300$ that he will make this summer cleaning computers will not be worth missing the trip.  This is the opportunity of a lifetime being crammed into a station wagon with his significantly cooler brother for like 8 days. This all being said, we need to enlist your help in convincing him that he should come. The blogging humor that will occur if he does indeed attend will significantly outstrip that if we do not take him with us on this debacle. Everyone needs to post comments urging Miles to join us in our quest. Plus his grandma will be happy too and we mustn't upset grandmothers, they have terrifying powers.

So, what's the plan?

Drivers:

Ross has been driving for twelve years and is very skilled. His motor vehicle, a Subaru Outback, just turned one year old this April. Ross has agreed to let us use this vehicle for our cross country extravaganza. That look of dismay on his face is nothing compared to what it'll look like when he sees how many miles we'll be putting on that baby. Ross has the uncanny ability to hold his need to urinate for what seems like days, making him able to drive without stopping. He can also drive with his knees, making him just as much a driver as he is an entertainer. Known to emit foul smelling flatulence when angry, his mood can make or break this trip.

Music Preference: Hard core rap, Dave Matthews Band, pop and techno.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 8 hours a day.

Ria is originally from New York City so she never learned how to drive. After years of fighting it, she finally decided to learn how to drive in March. After getting an embarrassingly large amount of questions wrong on her learner's permit test, she received her card and was ready to go. Sadly, the weather was not cooperating. She is trying to practice enough to take the road test in May so she may be "qualified" to drive in June. Ria has an extraordinarily small bladder and a serious coffee and cracker addiction. Both these things may call for either frequent stops along the way or massive discomfort for the majority of the trip.

Music Preference: Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Black Metal, Folk... some pop.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 1/2 - 2 hours at a time.

Miles has been driving for 6 months and is a better driver than all involved. He prides himself on how annoying he can be to others. He is lactose-intolerant, just like Ross and Ria. There may be major bathroom issues because they all love cheese.

Music Preference: Trance, Club, Euro Pop, and any music with whiny vocals.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 1-2 hours a day.

Passenger:

Willow is a 5.4 pound chihuahua/dachshund mix who enjoys looking out the window while riding in the car. Because she's so small, she needs to stand on the tips of her paws to see, which causes her to do back flips whenever the car breaks hard. She enjoys running, eating, pooping and chewing on her toys. In Montana, she loves to dig in mole holes and see what she can find. Glacial rivers are her weakness, due to an incident that happened at the Yaak River last year.

The Trip: 2850 miles over 5 days with stops in random places where, we expect, hilarity will ensue. Food might consist mainly of McDonalds, Denny's and Arby's (Ross' One True Love). Unfortunately, traveling cheaply means to eat unhealthily. Luckily, we'll get plenty of exercise after we're in Montana, which will promptly be cancelled out by our drive back.

Destination: Troy, Montana. Ross' grandmother has a ranch in Troy which Ross and Ria visited last year. The plan upon arrival is to recover, imbibe alcohol, hike, walk around, watch the wildlife and... relaxation. Eating at Odie's Big Sky Cafe and the Silver Spur are a must, along with home cooking. For a fancy night out, we will venturing to the MK Steakhouse in Libby where they serve the best margaritas in town. Lots of green, lots of exercise, lots of silence. Just what one looks for in a summer vacation.

Let's just hope they don't hate each other after this is over.